In which there are birthdays and bromance break-ups

For the 18 years that we've been friends, February 19th has been Queen Lauren day*. Because it usually fell during President's Week (mm I miss random vacations...), Queen Lauren "day" most often became Queen Lauren "week". But, sadly, as we are now in the quasi-real-world, the whole week thing doesn't really fly anymore, and we have to confine all sorts of merriment and queen-ness into 24 hours.

*In case that isn't clear, today is Lauren's birthday.
**Lauren is one of my oldest (long-term-est? whatever that phrase is) friends from home, and happens to be at Penn too. We have a weird habit of not straying particularly far from each other.

SO, tonight we're off to dress up fancy and inhale vats of melted cheese and chocolate (separate vats). We've always enjoyed that the least classy-sounding meals can turn into much classier-sounding restaurants when you call things "fondue".

But onto the archives! Today, once again, I had a run-in with Parson Weems and the ongoing saga of the Bromance of 1801 (which really, is no longer 1801, but 1803). And, unfortunately for Weems and Carey (but ever so entertaining for the rest of us), this Bromance is fast becoming a hot mess of epic proportions.

It seems that Weems got a little carried away with his own writing (the cherry-tree George Washington biography), and a little distracted from his actual job (vagabond book selling for Carey). He also somehow misplaced about $500. However, the most hilarious moments of 1803 involve Parson's many passionate attempts at quitting before he got dumped (...fired). It kind of becomes a case of the man who cried "I QUIT" but keeps writing you letters anyway. And, in this case, "letters" were really unsolicited monologues with over-the-top exclamations about the depths of his misery. As you can imagine, they are quite longwinded, and oftentimes nonsensical (I think he was rather overcome at the prospect of losing the man it seems was his only friend...). SO, I will offer you my two favorite snippets, which I feel capture the desperate tizzy of 1803, as Parson tried to hold onto a friendship (and a job) that was epically failing.

August 24th:
"Let me assure you that I never for a moment lose sight of your interest. Even now I am broiling on the red coals of torture on your account! Even now! I have so been for a fortnight."

Dec 7th:
"I shall lose much more than you are aware of, and very much more than I know you like that I should lose. I have greatly offended the Mount Vernon Family."*

*This was by far my favorite. Not only is it incredibly random, I enjoy that he thought "Mount Vernon Family" would somehow be less obvious than just saying "the President". Well played, Parson.

Nevertheless, I was a little distraught at the prospect of an absolute break-up (in his typical flair for drama, Parson opened every letter with "this will perhaps be my last..."), so I breezed ahead a few years (I've become oddly invested in their friendship), and can happily report that they patch things up in time. But, it's a bit of a bumpy road till then. More on that next time, in the next episode of (get ready for the newly expanded name) the On-Again-Off-Again Bromance of 1801 and Beyond.